2008-01-30

Now, who's the jerk?

Fundstücke der heutigen Aufräumerei. Schule hat manchmal auch gerockt.

Englisch Arbeitsblatt 1: British Newspapers
THE TIMES - read by the people who run the country.
DAILY MIRROR - read by the people who think they run the country.
GUARDIAN - read by the people who think they ought to run the country.
MORNING STAR - read by the people who think the country ought to be run by another country.
DAILY MAIL - read by the wives of the people who run the country.
FINANCIAL TIMES - read by the people who own the country.
DAILY EXPRESS - read by the people who think the country ought to be run as it used to be.
THE DAILY TELEGRAPH - read by the people who think it still is.
THE SUN - read by the people who couldn't care less who runs the -#*!@- country, providing she's got big tits.


Englisch Arbeitsblatt 2: Religions explained
Taoism - Shit happens.
Confucianism - Confucius says: "Shit happens".
Buddhism - Shit happening is an illusion.
Zen - What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism - This shit has happened before.
Islam - Shit happening is the will of Allah.
Judaism - Why does shit always happen to us?
Catholicism - If shit happens, you deserve it.
Calvinism - Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Christian science - If shit happens, pray and it will go away.
Protestantism - Please let shit happen to someone else!
Atheism - Shit happens for no reason.
Agnosticism - Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Stoicism - Shit happens. I can take it.
Hare Krishna - Shit happens, shit happens, shit happens...
Johova's Witnesses - Let us in and we'll tell you why shit happens.
Rastafarianism - Let's smoke this shit and see what happens.

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